3 Biggest Regrets I have from Polytechnic

my polytechnic graduation gown

Do you have any regrets in Poly? I have a lot of regrets I wish I could forget. There was a point in poly where I felt I was a complete failure. There were so much expectations placed on me that I nearly snapped.

Anyway the point of this post is to share my regrets from poly hoping to prove that you are not alone. We all have regrets and I think the best way to move on is to share it with someone and learn from these failures in order to become a better person :)

Living for others was the most regretful decision I've ever made. I wasn't prepared for the social life in poly. The "cool kids" culture is more apparent in poly. There were tons of criteria on being "cool" but there was no correct method to be the coolest.

I wanted to fit in so badly.

As such, I was caught in this race to be the coolest. I worked on whatever I was told to improve on. For a moment I was trying to bulk up, and in another instance, I was trying to dress well. My self-esteem was purely based on what people thought of me. And I wasn't very happy with myself.

Reflecting back, I realized there was no end to this race. There were too many people to pander to. Instead, I could've been more accepting of my flaws and not give a fuck about others' opinions. I should've lived for myself, because at the end of the day, only I will know what is truly best for me.

Wasting time was what i did for the majority of my poly life. I find myself browsing the web aimlessly whenever I was free. I spent most of my weekends lazing around doing nothing. Everyday was so uneventful that I hardly remember anything.

Reality hit me when an intern asked me what I did during the weekend. She was studying at SMU and from the way she conversed, she seemed intelligent and well traveled.

"Nothing much... I read a book.", I replied.  
I lied that I was reading, hoping to mask my idleness.
And for the first time in my life I felt ashamed of myself...

because when I asked her the same question in return, She spoke passionately about the pet organisation she was volunteering at. She was also training for her national swimming competition. She shared her experience of traveling in Vietnam, Cambodia and Europe. And mentioned that she was looking forward to her uni-exchange trip in the Middle East.

I realized I was wasting my life away. I was cooped up in my bubble of comfort, unaware of what's going on in the world. That conversation sparked a hunger in me to break beyond my comfort zone in search of something meaningful.

That is why I created this blog. I wanted to be passionate about something in my life. I desperately wanted to prove myself and make a mark in this world. I didn't want to be the slacker answering, oh I slept or I played games during my weekends.

"You haven't truly lived your life until you found your passion."

Not studying harder can be used to describe my substandard grades throughout poly. I'm one of the many students who has the potential to do well yet i procrastinate too much to realize that potential.

It dawned on me during poly graduation that I should have worked harder. There was a feeling of envy months before the graduation when my classmates knew they were receiving awards. 

It was a heart wrenching moment when i watched them go on stage to receive their awards on graduation day.  They had something they could be proud of that marks the end of an important journey in a positive note. I have none. I wasn't proud of myself so I didn't invite my parents.

During the train ride home, I was imagining how it would be like for me to stand there to receive an award knowing I've worked hard for it... I promised myself that I will achieve that in Uni.


Popular Posts